So much in my mind that it spills outside

I am emotional train wreck. I have to keep make-up in my car so that if (and when) I cry I can touch up my make-up afterward.
Today has been one of those days: silly arguments, misunderstandings, and let-downs. It's really difficult to experience all of those in one day. It's even harder when there's a really happy moment thrown in between, because then your day becomes a roller coaster. My day started off fine. I went to my official DJ training, and Henry and I should have a show on WRFL sometime next week.

I don't want to go into details. It's just that I always get my hopes up for everything. When someone tells me something is going to happen I believe it with all my heart. Maybe I'm spoiled and used to getting everything I want or my expectations of people are above what reality can provide. Either way, I'm always let down. I didn't get that phone call or I the plans didn't work out as planned. Usually I get over it, but today, a trying day already, I couldn't really stand another let down, let along TWO, and that's exactly what I got. I received the first one in the car. I couldn't decide what to think or do, and I obviously needed to focus on driving so I turned up the CD I had in: Animal Collective's Merriweather Post Pavilion, track 2. Like, almost instantly when he started to sing the first line, I started sobbing. Sobbing, screaming out the song along with him, then skipped to track four, same thing. I changed the CD to MMJ's It Still Moves, track 3, same thing. Then I'm like, "What is the most depressing album I have in my car?" Answer: Bright Eyes' Lifted. I had long forgot what tracks were on that album, but it turns out Lover I Don't Have to Love was on there. Well more screaming and sobbing. I sound so dramatic but at the time I was ready to rip someone's head off.

My mind was still reeling. And I just want to ask, how come I cannot share how I feel without being accused of trying to make you feel guilty? Sometimes things you say/do HURT me, should I not tell you? I am never trying to make you feel guilty, I just want a sincere apology to make me feel better. I want all problems to be solved.

So, before the car, I went and saw 500 Days of Summer. It was a good movie, but I kind of hated it. How could that girl break his heart like that? I mean, it would break my heart knowing I broke his heart. I mean, it HAS broke my heart because I HAVE broken his heart.

I just want everything to be like what it was on your bed today, and yesterday as we high-fived (note to readers: not the dirrrty). We both just have to control our tempers and stick to our word. It kills me when you say you're going to do something and then turn around and do the opposite. I don't want to lose your trust because you're the person I trust the most.

I really just needed to get this out of my system, and blogger seemed the best outlet.